These are my rough notes I took today at the Home Life Café’. The speakers were Steve and Steven Canfield.
These guys did a great job providing solid Biblical teaching around Marriage, Parenting, Dating, and Family in General.
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children[a] of one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.[b
The Christian home is to bring glory to God. It’s not that we don’t have dysfunction; it’s the way we deal with dysfunction (that is the witness that brings glory to God).
See your spouse as a precocious gift
See your kids as a precocious gift.
Invest your life and influence in other people’s children.
GIVING LOVE GOES A LONG WAY
A. Not Based on Performance
B. Based on their placement
C. Based on their preciousness as a unique person
Sovereignty of God
How? With expressions of Love through
Words “I’m proud of you”
Ask grown men what they wished their Dad’s would have said, most said they wish he would say “I love you”
(Intentionality – it takes great effort to get God into their mental grid)
Bedroom first – Marriage First
Dining Room – Family 2nd (Talk with Kids)
Spontaneously… take every opportunity to point your family to Christ.
Be an Example – Live IT! Be an example
Counter-Culture AND Culturally Relevant
PSALM 78 *- Is a great passage to help the kids understand the generations past and to for them to put their hope in God.
THE FUTURE IS THE FOCUS FOR THE FAMILY
ETERNAL IMPACT AND FUTURE REWARD
KEEP TABS ON YOUR CHILD’S HEART
Do you know where your kids’ hearts are?
An accusation hardens the will, a question convicts the conscience.
On their birthday I would ask if I had let them down, or hurt them, in any way.
Ask their kids to ask for it.
Story: about daughter who was still holding anger toward month, because her teacher that she had meet with her mom and her mom told the teacher that the girls was a liar. The mom never said that, but the girl grew up hurt and mad at her mom for something she never said. The devil can be like the teacher and accuse us and confuse our grid.
Waste Time with God (Without an agenda)
Waste Time with your Family (Without an agenda)
*Deal with the heart not just their Behavior.
The goal is to win and keep their hearts.
To raise godly kids, not just good kids.
STAGES OF PARENTING (FOR THE FUTURE)
Training (High Control for Obedience) 0-5
Explaining (High content for Wisdom) 6-10
Sustaining (High Reiteration for Maturity) 11-18
(Being sensitive to what God is telling them)
Remaining (High Encouragement for Godliness) 19- and on
IMPLEMENT GOSPEL-FOCUSED PARENTHING
In Conflict resolution (How did Jesus resolve Conflict? -Conflict)
In Entertainment (Give wisdom on what we choose-Choices)
In Hardship and unfair circumstances (Crisis)
In how they view other People and things (Culture)
TAKEAWAYS – Ask kids if they have something against me. Or some way I failed you?
The Forces of Darkness will carry out a strategy toward the destruction of your family on three basic fronts:
OUR FAILURES (See below)
THEIR FOOLISHNESS (Discipline)
FALSEHOOD and FANTICY* The Soil of Parenting is the resource from which your children draw nourishment.
PRACTICE PERSONAL REPENTANCE BEFORE GOD
By Confession of your wrong to your family.
Mom’s sin is more on the outside because of her personality and Dad’s is more on the inside.
Note the Deeper the failure the more difficult the reconciliation will probably be.
TRAINING: CHANGING BEHAVIOR
THE ONLY FAIR WAY (To Lovingly Discipline)
1. Establish these
We say, “Obey first time, every time.”
2. Loving Discipline: Combating their on sinfulness
GOAL: Biblical Obedience Eph 6:1-3
(Difference in Rebellion and Childishness aka Immaturity)
Creative consequence for immaturity and forgetfulness
Spanking for Rebellion
LOVING REPROOF 101
- Confrontation (Don’t send them to their room; send them to your room) – Give them time to cool down
- Reflection (to cool time both them and you)) don’t spank in anger
- Verbal Correction
- Confession (What did you DO that was wrong? Don’t tell them) they need to verbalize their disobedient act.
- Confirmation (Eph 4:32 – be kind to one another) what does the bible say?
- Ask God to reveal lying and leave the Conviction to God.
- Physical Correction ((Spank in the Spirit)
Wise Protection from Fantasy and Falsehood
Word Based Filters (Friend Filters – they will become like who they hang around)
Sleepovers – Nothing good 😉
Influences Filters (Teachers, Youth Workers, Coaches)
Remember even bad filters are good.
Sexual Content & Humor
Dating Relationships Filters:
The Purpose of Dating should be to find a mate for the glory of God!
The Practices of Dating should be determined or approved by the parents not the children.
The Person for Dating should be filtered through biblical grid: (The person should be: Parental Blessing, Heart for God…. Submission to Authority…. Maturity)
The Purity of Dating should be initiated not assumed.
Remember we need to find from a spiritual vantage point
1. Expose you kids to people with a passion for God.
2. Provide resources for Spiritual enrichment
3. Encourage Spiritual Progress
Pray together as couple
Pray as family
Pray together daily
Develop family prayer targets
“Train up the way a child will go and when he is old (Puberty) he will not depart from it. Your only have 12 years to train.
There is freedom in Simple Living
“Junk expands to fill the space provided”
Hudson Taylor (If he haven’t used it in a year; he would throw it away)
TIME AROUND THE WORD (Family Devotions)
Lure them to righteousness (Give temporary reward toward spiritual pursuits)
Develop ruts of righteousness. Paying for Reading the Bible, etc
1. Confirm their Masculinity or Femininity from a young Age.
2. Spend time with them in gender focused outings
3. Give them good role models to imitate 4. Encourage their gender maturity.
Search for 32 Series and watch for how to parent boys.