Home Life Café Notes – Life Action Summit

These are my rough notes I took today at the Home Life Café’. The speakers were Steve and Steven Canfield.

These guys did a great job providing solid Biblical teaching around Marriage, Parenting, Dating, and Family in General.

 

 

Psalm 127:3-5

 

³ Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children^[a] of one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.^[b

 

 

The Christian home is to bring glory to God.  It’s not that we don’t have dysfunction; it’s the way we deal with dysfunction (that is the witness that brings glory to God).

 

See your spouse as a precocious gift

See your kids as a precocious gift.

 

Invest your life and influence in other people’s children.

 

GIVING LOVE GOES A LONG WAY

 

A. Not Based on Performance

        Unconditional Love

 

B. Based on their placement

        Stewardship

 

C. Based on their preciousness as a unique person

        Sovereignty of God

 

How? With expressions of Love through

        Words “I’m proud of you”

        Attitudes

        Actions

 

Ask grown men what they wished their Dad’s would have said, most said they wish he would say “I love you”

 

FAMILY PRACTICE:

 

Teach Well 

(Intentionality – it takes great effort to get God into their mental grid)

        Bedroom first – Marriage First

        Dining Room – Family 2nd (Talk with Kids)

Spontaneously… take every opportunity to point your family to Christ.

Be an Example – Live IT!  Be an example

 

Counter-Culture AND Culturally Relevant

 

PSALM 78 *- Is a great passage to help the kids understand the generations past and to for them to put their hope in God.

 

THE FUTURE IS THE FOCUS FOR THE FAMILY

ETERNAL IMPACT AND FUTURE REWARD

 

KEEP TABS ON YOUR CHILD’S HEART

Do you know where your kids’ hearts are?

 

COUSELING POINTER***

An accusation hardens the will, a question convicts the conscience.

 

On their birthday I would ask if I had let them down, or hurt them, in any way.

Ask their kids to ask for it.

 

Story:  about daughter who was still holding anger toward month, because her teacher that she had meet with her mom and her mom told the teacher that the girls was a liar.  The mom never said that, but the girl grew up hurt and mad at her mom for something she never said.  The devil can be like the teacher and accuse us and confuse our grid.

 

 

QUALITY TIME

Waste Time with God (Without an agenda)

Waste Time with your Family (Without an agenda)

 

*Deal with the heart not just their Behavior.

 

The goal is to win and keep their hearts.  

To raise godly kids, not just good kids.

 

STAGES OF PARENTING (FOR THE FUTURE)

 

Training (High Control for Obedience) 0-5

Explaining (High content for Wisdom) 6-10

Sustaining (High Reiteration for Maturity) 11-18

        (Being sensitive to what God is telling them)

Remaining (High Encouragement for Godliness) 19- and on

 

 

IMPLEMENT GOSPEL-FOCUSED PARENTHING

 

In Conflict resolution (How did Jesus resolve Conflict? -Conflict)

In Entertainment (Give wisdom on what we choose-Choices)

In Hardship and unfair circumstances (Crisis)

In how they view other People and things (Culture)

 

 

TAKEAWAYS – Ask kids if they have something against me. Or some way I failed you?

 

Principle:

The Forces of Darkness will carry out a strategy toward the destruction of your family on three basic fronts:

OUR FAILURES (See below)

 

THEIR FOOLISHNESS (Discipline)

 

FALSEHOOD and FANTICY* The Soil of Parenting is the resource from which your children draw nourishment.

 

 

 

PRACTICE PERSONAL REPENTANCE BEFORE GOD

By Confession of your wrong to your family.

Mom’s sin is more on the outside because of her personality and Dad’s is more on the inside.

 

Note the Deeper the failure the more difficult the reconciliation will probably be.

 

 

TRAINING: CHANGING BEHAVIOR

 

THE ONLY FAIR WAY (To Lovingly Discipline)

1. Establish these

We say, “Obey first time, every time.”

One Time

Normal Voice

Expect Obedience

 

2. Loving Discipline: Combating their on sinfulness

GOAL: Biblical Obedience Eph 6:1-3

(Difference in Rebellion and Childishness aka Immaturity)

 

Creative consequence for immaturity and forgetfulness

AND

Spanking for Rebellion

 

LOVING REPROOF 101

 

1. Confrontation (Don’t send them to their room; send them to your room) – Give them time to cool down
   

 

1. Reflection (to cool time both them and you)) don’t spank in anger
   

 

1. Verbal Correction
   

 

1. Confession (What did you DO that was wrong? Don’t tell them) they need to verbalize their disobedient act.
   

 

1. Confirmation (Eph 4:32 – be kind to one another) what does the bible say?
   
2. Ask God to reveal lying and leave the Conviction to God.
   

 

1. Physical Correction ((Spank in the Spirit)
   

 

1. Restoration
   

 

1. Care
   

 

1. Repentance
   

 

Wise Protection from Fantasy and Falsehood

 

Word Based Filters  (Friend Filters – they will become like who they hang around)

 

Sleepovers – Nothing good 😉

 

Influences Filters (Teachers, Youth Workers, Coaches)

  Remember even bad filters are good.

 

Entertainment Filters

        Humanistic Lies

        Brutality

        Offensive Language

        Sexual Content & Humor

 

 

Dating Relationships Filters:

The Purpose of Dating should be to find a mate for the glory of God!

 

The Practices of Dating should be determined or approved by the parents not the children.

 

The Person for Dating should be filtered through biblical grid: (The person should be: Parental Blessing, Heart for God…. Submission to Authority…. Maturity)

 

The Purity of Dating should be initiated not assumed.

 

THE FIGHT

Remember we need to find from a spiritual vantage point

1. Expose you kids to people with a passion for God.

 

2. Provide resources for Spiritual enrichment

 

3. Encourage Spiritual Progress

 

SPIRIUTAL PREPARAATION

Pray together as couple

Pray as family

Pray together daily

Develop family prayer targets

 

“Train up the way a child will go and when he is old (Puberty) he will not depart from it.  Your only have 12 years to train.

 

There is freedom in Simple Living

“Junk expands to fill the space provided”

 

Hudson Taylor (If he haven’t used it in a year; he would throw it away)

 

 

TIME AROUND THE WORD (Family Devotions)

-sing

-sing truth

-Pray

-share

 

Lure them to righteousness (Give temporary reward toward spiritual pursuits)

Develop ruts of righteousness. Paying for Reading the Bible, etc

 

 

Biblical Masculinity

Biblical Femininity

 

1. Confirm their Masculinity or Femininity from a young Age.

2. Spend time with them in gender focused outings

3.  Give them good role models to imitate 4.  Encourage their gender maturity.

 

Search for 32 Series and watch for how to parent boys.

Web Filtering Available NOW on IPhone, iPad, and iPod (iOS 7)

If you have updated your iphone, ipad or iPod in the last few months to iOS7, you now have the ability to have websites (and other content) filtered.  This is a HUGE weapon for families in the battle against pornography.  If you haven’t activated this on your child’s device or had your accountability partner activate it on your device, be sure to do this TODAY!

Here is a link to the steps for setting this up.

http://www.bewebsmart.com/ipod-ipad-iphone/two-ios-7-features-parents-will-love/

Its easy and effective.

Just Sayin’- The Power of Spoken Words

Sermon Notes from: Proverbs 12:12-27

INTRO: Spoken words paint a picture of a possible future. They are prophetic in guiding our lives and the lives of others. The goal of this message is one to help you understand just how important words are; how they ultimately determine the direction of our live. The goal is also to challenge you to use your words to encourage and build up others

•    The God who speaks created creatures who speak.

•    In the beginning how did God spoke the world into creation (Gen 1)

•    Then sends Christ as the Word made flesh (John 1:1-3,14)

•    Jesus demonstrated the power of words by using his words to build up the down cast, rebuke the self-righteous, heal the sick, open blind eyes, and raise others from the dead. He would speak over them and things would happen. When we are dealing with words; we often fail to understand the power of these words.

Proverbs Chapter 12:12-27 – Just Sayin’

The Power of Spoken Words

• What you say will trap or save you. v 13
  • What we say has a way of coming back to bite us.                 
  • Examples of being trapped by your words
    • Politicians
    • Parents threating kids, but no action taken
    • Religions Teachers trying to trap Jesus
• What you say will reward you. v 14
  • What you say determines what you receive.
  • Spoken words paint a picture of a possible future. They are prophetic in guiding our lives and the lives of others.
  • The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Prov 18:21 (NIV)
  • We all have thought coursing through our minds. We’ve learn this summer that not all our thoughts originate in our own minds. Thoughts can come into the mind from the dark side, the spirit world, Satan and his forces. However once we start to speak those words we take a step toward making those e words a reality.
  • Our words guide our lives “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boast.” James 3:3-5 (NIV)
• What you say will build-up or tear-down others. v17-18

  FBV 18 Reckless words pierce like a sword,

  but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Prov 12:18 (NIV)

  You may not beat your wife, you may not beat your children physically, but reckless words pierce like a sword?

  • You are stupid
  • You are good for nothing.
  • You are just like (insert losers name).
  • You are BAD.

     

  But we dress up our tear downs with Just Sayin or Bless their Hearts.

   

  But the tong of the wise brings healing.

  Now this passage turns toward some things that we need to ask ourselves about our words. We want our words to paint a promising future for ourselves and for others around us. There for we must ask ourselves these questions.

3 Questions to ask yourself in order to speak wise words that heal.

• Is what I’m saying true? v19,v22
  • Women: Lie most about their weight and their age
  • Men: Lie most about their age and their income
  • Many People lie about church Membership.

  God would rather have you truthful about your faults, than lying about your strengths.
  

  If we were all honest there are times when we lie. Now we have “great reasons”, we don’t’ want to hurt someone. Or we don’t’ want others to think badly of us so we lie. Unfortunately from some of us this has become such a habit that we no longer see this. God character is true. He stands against thoughts that lie. But I’m a Christian. IF you are a Christian you will be convicted about your lying. Allow God to change that it you. When you speak, speak the truth in love.(Eph 4:15)

• Is what I’m saying few? v23

  The average American opens his mouth 700 every day and utters around 3500 each day. Some of you more, some of you much more, and some of us less. But we are a verbal culture. Before the development of writing as a technology people learning verbally. History, Culture, trade was taught not using books , buy passed on from one generation to the next by speaking.

  Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. As good as you are you can’t talk and listen as the same time. Using few words allows you to be a better listener, and practice the ministry of presence (Just Being There). Being in someone’s life. I’ve visited with families who have lost children, who have lost parents, who have lost jobs, who are dying and the best thing to say is very little. Just be there.

  Eccl 5:2 Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.

• Is what I’m saying due? v25

There are people in your life waiting for your words. Words of encouragement. Word to build them up. Words of the wise that bring healing.

• God (SALVATION)
  • The Bible tells us at the culmination of history “that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Phil 2:10-11 (NIV)
  • “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. Romans 10:8-10
• Spouses are waiting for words.
• Kids are waiting for words.
• Coworkers are waiting for words.
• Parents are waiting for words.
• Brothers and Sisters are waiting for words

The difficult ard part about these messages is not being a hypocrite. The power of message is not in hearing, but in doing. So in prep for this part I had to make some phone calls this week. And as I stepped out in obedience. I started calling some of the people in my life for whom words were due.

Who do you to need to call or sit down and talk with this week?

What word do they need to hear and you need to say?

Allow God to use this!

Let your words be true, let them be few, and let them be due.

 

  

I Just Don’t Love You Anymore

“There is no one else. I just don’t love you anymore.” Over the last several years I’ve heard this from friends whose spouses were giving up on their marriage. IN EVERY CASE, it was discovered later that there WAS “someone else”; even though it was being denied at the time. If you are married you have to be off the market, if you expect your relationship to last. I thought I would repost this blog from August 2008 titled, “Marriage and Divorce: What’s love got to do with it?”

I credited this insightful piece to Dr. Joe McKeever who handed this out in a Seminary class I took at NOBTS a few years back. I’ve taken the liberty to shorten it a bit.

Let’s say the in a world of 6 billion humans, there are 50,000 people you could have met and fallen in love with. Then, let’s say that out of that 50,000, there is an inner group of 500 you could have a far superior marriage with. And a still smaller group of, say, 50 that would be the cream of the crop. And then, there is one of that number with whom you could have the best marriage imaginable. Okay, you’ve got the picture – a lot of concentric circles.

Now, just for the sake of making a point, let’s say here is Fred who gets out of school, takes a job, and one day meets Edna. They are attracted to each other, fall in love, and begin to make wedding plans. They visit the pastor and announce to him, “We want to get married.” And the pastor, being a pretty sharp fellow says, “Why? And they naturally answer (what else?) “We love each other.” To their surprise, the pastor says, “What’s that got to do with it?” “Uh, how’s that?” asks Fred. “Fred and Edna,” the minster says, “There are 49,999 others out there you might have fallen in love with. Just because you love someone does not mean you marry them.” But his point passes right over them and they become Husband Fred and Wife Edna

Then, let’s say within 3-7 years, Fed and Edna have moved to another city and in their neighborhood, Fred meets Louise. Well, spars fly. Fred has just encountered one of his inner circles of 50. (Are you with me now?) He is hooked. Boy, is Louise special. He thinks about her day and night, and soon becomes aware that she feels the same way. Psychologists tell us there is something called ‘the expulsive power of a new affection.’ What that means is that a new love blows the old one out of the water. Compared to the way Fred now swoons over Louise, he is convinced he never did actually love Edna. “At least,” he says to himself, “not in the way a man out to love a woman.” (Remember the roles could be reversed it could be Edna infatuated with another man.”

So eventual, Fred drops in on the pastor and says, “I want to get a divorce.” The minister asks, “Why?” Fred says, “Because I don’t love Edna anymore.” (No one ever admits to the pastor they’ve fallen in love with someone else. No one, ever.) And the pastor still on the ball and to the point, asks, “What’s that got to do with it?” Fred sits there bumfuzzled, wondering why this preacher doesn’t understand simple logic. Doesn’t everybody know you get married when you fall in love and get divorced when you fall out?

“Fred” the pastor continues “You don’t get divorced because you don’t love each other anymore.” “If the two of you are genuine disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ, then the only question is, “What is the will of God? That’s it. If you decided that it is God’s will for you to get married, then that takes care of all the people you will be meeting and feeling attracted to in the future. They are not God’s will for you and therefore are ‘off limits’ to you, and you can get on with your life.

The story goes on to point out that marriage is a covenant between God and a Husband and a Wife. It is not based on feelings but on commitment. Love is an act of the will that flows out of the commitment, not the determining factor of the commitment. So remember the vows you’ve spoken before the Lord and do not break the covenant you establish with the spouse of your youth.

Cotton Blues Restaurant Review

Monday night, my wife and I decided to drop by the recently opened Cotton Blues Restaurant in Hattiesburg. Not having any expectations we walked in and were greeted by three hostesses. The restaurant was moderately busy, but not crowed like you might see on a weekend. One hostess asked if we had made reservations and urged us to make them the next time we planned to come.

We were seated and the took in the ambiance of the restaurant which was….. different. It was upscale rustic, with definite delta cotton feel. All the food on the menu is produced from local farms; with the exception of the fish which is flow in from Hawaii? As you would expect from locally grown organic food, it is rather expensive. My plate; fried organic chicken (2 pieces), mashed potatoes, and green beans was priced at $16. My wife had the vegetable plate with greens, fried zucchini, mac & cheese, butterbeans, and sweet potato au gratin for $12. (These plates were two of the lease expensive items on the menu.)

The food itself was delicious and we both ate and were very satisfied. The chicken and the mashed potatoes were “fine”! They were just like I remember Mr. Billy Rawls “fixin” at the Round-Table in Columbia. After one bite I told my wife that we should go check in the kitchen and make sure Mr. Billy wasn’t back there. I know a few friends that would have a problem with portion sizes being a bit small, but ours were just right and the service was excellent. You could tell those working there were well trained.

All-in-all we had a great experience and will be back. I did feel Mississippi while at Cotton Blues and as William Falkner once said, “To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi.”

Why I Share a Facebook Account With My Wife

Facebook is a great tool for connecting with old friends and being available to be contacted by people who otherwise would not be able to find you. Since cell phones have taken over, many people no longer have their name listed in the phone book and since cell numbers aren’t always easy to find, Facebook has become the new phone book. But as with any new technology there is a down side. Facebook allows people to communicate with others without being detected, or so it seems. I continue to hear and read reports of marriages that are being affected by this. The husband or wife finds a old flame or an attractive acquaintance and decides to start direct messaging them just to say “Hi”. In hopes they may say “Hi” back. This eventual grows into an emotional bond which is always step one away from their current spouse and family.

The way the Bible sees it, a man’s job is to lead and protect his wife; covering her spiritualy, emotionally, and physically. And women have the right to hold their husbands accountable to the covenant they made to God when they said , “I do”. As I written about before, marriage is a commitment to look away from every person on earth, who ever did or might in the future, seem to be your perfect match. You already have your perfect match even though it may not seem that way. There are no perfect marriages. And if you think the conflict you are having now is bad, wait until you jump ship. The problem is not your spouse; it’s the person you look at in the mirror every morning (I’m talking to myself). And “news flash” if you leave, you will be taking your problem with you.

I think it’s wise and safe to have open communication between you and your spouse about who you are talking with/to each day. A shared Facebook account keeps it all out in the open. We both have the same account on our phones and so we know who we are talking to 🙂 You may be thinking it’s inconvenient, but I know people who wished they’d done this a year ago. I would love for Facebook to make it easier to have a joint account; but for now Trenidy N JJ will navigate the Facebook world as one.

Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

FIREPROOF your Marriage

Earlier tonight Chad Lynn and I drove to Bayou View Baptist Church in Gulfport to watch a prescreening of the upcoming release of Fireproof. Watch the clip below to get an idea of the story line. The producers spent $100k on their last move, making Facing the Giants, and $500k on this one. Kirk Cameron (husband) and Erin Bethea(wife) does an incredible job as the drama of their failing marriage unfolds, there is tons of humor, and most important Christ is exalted. The movie opens September 26^th.

Wednesday morning JJ showed me a preview card for the movie that she had received when she was here last week. I shared the idea with some friends and the next thing I know Chad is calling saying he’s going to preview of the movie. This movie is an answer to my prayers, you must buy tickets for ever troubled couple that you know and get them to this movie. They may insist on going separate, but we have to get them to go. I just hope it’s not too late. Remember, “Never Leave Your Partner Behind”. For more information about the movie visit http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/.

Marriage & Divorce: What’s Love Got to Do with It?

I credited this insightful piece to Dr. Joe McKeever who handed this out in a Seminary class I took at NOBTS a few years back. I’ve taken the liberty to shorten it a bit.

Let’s say the in a world of 6 billion humans, there are 50,000 people you could have met and fallen in love with. Then, let’s say that out of that 50,000, there is an inner group of 500 you could have a far superior marriage with. And a still smaller group of, say, 50 that would be the cream of t he crop. And then, there is one of that number with whom you could have the best marriage imaginable. Okay, you’ve got the picture – a lot of concentric circles.

Now, just for the sake of making a point, let’s say here is Fred who gets out of school, takes a job, and one day meets Edna. They are attracted to each other, fall in love, and begin to make wedding plans. They visit the pastor and announce to him, “We want to get married.” And the pastor, being a pretty sharp fellow says, “Why? And they naturally answer (what else?) “We love each other.” To their surprise, the pastor says, “What’s that got to do with it?” “Uh, how’s that?” asks Fred. “Fred and Edna,” the minster says, “There are 49,999 others out there you might have fallen in love with. Just because you love someone does not mean you marry them.” But his point passes right over them and they become Husband Fred and Wife Edna

Then, let’s say within 3-7 years, Fed and Edna have moved to another city and in their neighborhood, Fred meets Louise. Well, spars fly. Fred has just encountered one of his inner circles of 50. (Are you with me now?) He is hooked. Boy, is Louise special. He thinks about her day and night, and soon becomes aware that she feels the same way. Psychologists tell us there is something called ‘the expulsive power of a new affection.’ What that means is that a new love blows the old one out of the water. Compared to the way Fred now swoons over Louise, he is convinced he never did actually love Edna. “At least,” he says to himself, “not in the way a man out to love a woman.” (Remember the roles could be reversed it could be Edna infatuated with another man.”

So eventual, Fred drops in on the pastor and says, “I want to get a divorce.” The minister asks, “Why?” Fred says, “Because I don’t love Edna anymore.” (No one ever admits to the pastor they’ve fallen in love with someone else. No one, ever.) And the pastor still on the ball and to the point, asks, “What’s that got to do with it?” Fred sits there bumfuzzled, wondering why this preacher doesn’t understand simple logic. Doesn’t everybody know you get married when you fall in love and get divorced when you fall out?

“Fred” the pastor continues “You don’t get divorced because you don’t love each other anymore.” “If the two of you are genuine disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ, then the only question is, “What is the will of God? That’s it. If you decided that it is God’s will for you to get married, then that takes care of all the people you will be meeting and feeling attracted to in the future. They are not God’s will for you and therefore are ‘off limits’ to you, and you can get o with your life.

The story goes on to point out that marriage is a covenant between God and a Husband and a Wife. It is not based on feelings but on commitment. Love is an act of the will that flows out of the commitment, not the determining factor of the commitment. So remember the vows you’ve spoken before the Lord and do not break the covenant you establish with the spouse of your youth.

May 1st, 1991

Seventeen years ago today, a goofy teenage boy went out with a group of friends. One of these friends was a beautiful girl that the boy secretly had a crush on. The boy got up the nerve to hint around that he “had a thing” for this girl. What followed has been five years or “courtship” and twelve years (on the 18^th) of Marriage (oh yeah and three kids!). The wife of my youth as truly been God’s answer to more than I could have asked or imaged (Eph 3:20). Neither of us are perfect “News Flash”, but there is MUCH love between the two of us. And love covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8). I love you J! {Photo taken 1992}

Love and Respect

If you’ve talked to me or JJ in the last 3 months you’ve heard us talk about the study we’ve been doing with our Bible study class called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The teachings in this book are built around the Ephesians 5 passage on marriage. Specifically verse 33 reads, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Most of us have been taught of the importance of having a loving attitude toward our spouse; however, this passage points out that it is not love that is the primary need of a husband, but it is respect. Dr. Eggerichs lays the foundation for this principal in the first few chapters of the book and then uses a good deal of the book talking about practical ways how husbands can love their wives and how wives can show respect their husbands. If you’re looking to help someone who is struggling in their marriage or just want to go to the next level in your relationship with your spouse then get this book. It’s Biblical and it’s practical. A must read for every Christian marriage. Check out more information concerning this book and its teaching by clicking here.